WholesomeWear

I am no stranger to this internet craze known as "blogging". No indeed. However, whilst I have been blogging for a number of years on various other popular and not so popular blogging sites, I have predominately used those blogs for diary type entries or boring and detailed descriptions of my every day goings-on. Here at the not so cleverly named "This is the Sound", the latest in my blogging endeavors, I'm going to refrain from detailing my day to day happenings as it is the opinion of this author that they are quite boring and really of no interest to anyone other than perhaps friends and family. Rather I would like to use this small piece of cyber space that has been generously given to me free of charge compliments of the creator, Al Gore, to do nothing less than vent. Vent about what? Whatever I come across I should imagine. As this is the maiden voyage of my new blog I don't expect that it will be understood what exactly it is I intend to write about. However I suspect that as I continue to update the blog with more entries my writing style should improve as I become more comfortable in my new role as a social commentator. At some point this blog may even become entertaining and dare I say interesting to read. Until that day arrives bare with me as I settle in here.
Also let me say that it is not my intention to offend any one person or group of people with what I will say here. While my thoughts, and yes even my language, will not doubt rub someone the wrong way at some point please try to remember that MY opinions are just that, mine. But please feel free to comment at anytime. It's a wonderful medium we have all created here and I think it has the potential to be quite entertaining and enlightening if we let it. And now on with the show.




WholesomeWear.
Here we have this seasons latest fashion craze. WholesomeWear. "Hey there sally lunch box! Do you enjoy swimming at your local public pool or life-guard supervised beach? Sure you do. But are you tired of bathing suits that draw attention to and expose some of the more sensitive areas of the female form? Like shoulders, or knees. Do you long to return to those old fashion values that grandma used to make. Well now you can, with WholesomeWear!!!"

When I stumbled onto the link for this new line of swimming suits for ladies I lol'd all over myself upon reading the introduction. The first line boasts......."WholesomeWear is a modest line of clothing for "wherever" " No that is not a typo with the quotation marks. Apparently they are quoting a particular individual who states that WholesomeWear can be worn "wherever" although it's anyone's guess as to who that person is. One assumes it is the creator of wholesomewear.
The add goes on to explain that "the need for modesty in swimwear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existent. Swimwear that "highlights the face, rather than the body" includes an undergarment with bright colors at the neck and shoulders to draw the eye to the face"
Again they quote the mysterious individual who is evidently responsible for this new and amazing technology. Ole' Sally LunchBox (left) is seen here sporting the "Slimming Swimmer" style of wholesomewear. It's obvious to me, and yes even a small un-intelligent child, that this suit is at once colorful and elegant yet modest and comfortable. The suit comes in three different styles the afore mentioned slimming swimmer, the skirted swimmer, and the culotte swimmer. A recent visit to dictionary.com informs me that the word culotte refers to 'women's trousers, usually knee-length or calf-length, cut full to resemble a skirt. ' Just below the definition it has a year of origin for the word. 1835-45. Nice.
Lets talk about how this suit is more likely to draw attention to the fact that you're wearing what appears to be a heavy blanket over some floral pattern fabric you picked up at Wal-Mart, rather than announcing to the world your intentions of modesty. Would it be fair to say that wearing something like this to the beach or pool would in fact draw far more attention to yourself than say your average modern day bathing suit. Let's talk about modesty. I'm not saying wearing dental floss and sea shells is modesty at it's best, but in actuality the majority of women don't wear that kind of thing anyway. For the most part swimming suits are tasteful in the average every day environment. It seems to me that wearing this kind of thing would not only be extremely uncomfortable to swim in, but it's also likely to draw in some rather un flattering cat calls from some of your more insensitive swimmers. Unless you're swimming at a beach populated by wholesomewearers, but I don't think that is likely. Ok so you're an adult, you've been called everything in the book and it really doesn't bother you anymore. But what if you are the unfortunate child of the religious kooks that this wholesomewear line is sure to draw in. You're just a child, you've got no choice but to wear what mommy and daddy tell you to wear.



Little Janey (left) is seen here preparing for what is sure to be a traumatic childhood.
"Dear diary,
Today at the beach a boy told me he wanted to kiss me on my lips. I knew it was wrong but I followed him behind the life guard stand. I was nervous and sweaty. It was really hot today and the wholesomewear suit my mom got me for summer-time fun was sticking to the inside of my thighs again. Jonny told me to close my eyes so I did. Then he pushed me down and all his friends came out and started laughing and pointing at me. They called me things like dress-tard and and yetti legs. I don't think I'll go back to the beach again"

You may as well fashion that kite string into a noose little janey. Maybe that seems a bit off color and yes even harsh, but honestly if you were a child and you saw another child wearing this thing, would you let it pass? I doubt it. Children are cruel that's why we don't name our babies things like Harry Dick Smith. Because we know quite well that they will be teased, beaten up and mocked all through school and that kind of thing can make for a very insecure adult. Also browsing the wholesomewear site I found it interesting that there were no pictures of women actually swimming in these suits. Jumping in the water and walking beside it yes, but no proof that this fabric is actually feasible to swim in. To me it resembles a bullet proof vest. It looks like something you might use to sink a gangster to the bottom of the Hudson with, not something you go for a casual dip in.
Anyway follow the link to the site for even more entertaining photos of women pretending to be comfortable wearing a box.

Until next time.